Starting Over

And so it starts…God has been telling me for years now to write…to really sit down and have at it. The problem is…I haven’t. Oh sure, I journal here and there, write down revelation, ideas, and things He tells me that are important, but the actual process has been greatly lacking if not non-existent.

 ‘Oh, I’ll get to that later’ or ‘I just came home from work which has sucked all of the creative life out of me and I’m exhausted… I have class tonight… I’m meeting a friend in a bit…I need to (insert: prepare Sunday’s Worship, do classwork, research, clean, cook, exercise, sleep, pray, spend time with the Lord, etc. here). And of course, the classic, ‘but it takes so much time and energy…you have to, you know, THINK and stuff!… all valid excuses in my mind,  but it all boils down to one thing…obedience.

The first thing he told me to write came from the mouth of my wonderful cousin and that was to write a book (yes, an actual book!) about my experiences while I lived in New York City. Funny, that my cousin seemed to remember more about those 5 years than I did. I tend to do that…block out things that are stressful so that I can deal. But God always has a way of bringing them back as if to say, “OK, you’re not ready to face this right now, but we’re going to circle back around to this when you’re ready to deal with it”.

The second thing He told me to write was Worship and also the revelation I’ve received from Him as I’ve grown and continue to grow in Him. But life happened: a heart break here, busy-ness there, day jobs, distractions, and a person who was no doubt troubled actually telling me, and I quote, “nobody cares what you have to say”…wow…I still can’t believe that. Still, through all of that He kept telling me one thing: “Write, My love. I did not make you to back away from who you are, who I created you to be. If I wanted you to be silent, I wouldn’t have given you a voice. How can I trust you with where I’m taking you, if you can’t be obedient in this one thing?”…ouch…but He’s right. (Seriously, what I can I say to that? He’s GOD!) And that point was only further confirmed through people I met along the way, close friends, even my boss. Maybe my exhaustion is not so much from my perceived busyness of life, but from fighting the truth of what I know I am supposed to be doing. Hmm…

So, now an interesting phenomenon: I find myself without a voice. Every time I open my mouth…nothing but jumble. Seems the only way I can clearly convey a thought lately is to write (or type!) it out. So, it stands to reason that the Lord had to shut me up to get it out. I figure He thought, “Well, she’s not listening, so maybe I’ll just confuse her speech, so that she’ll be a bit more persuaded to write it out instead”…thanks, God 🙂

So, as a starting point, I searched for my old blog to get back into the groove. There was just one problem…I couldn’t find it. Not anywhere, no matter how many variations of the title I tried, I could not for the life of me find it anywhere…it can only mean one thing…start over.

So, here we go, deep breath, no more excuses, no more whining (maybe), and no more fighting. I will attempt to be responsible with what God has given me and use this space to share my faith journey. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows. It can be down-right ugly some days. But it will be real. If you don’t like Jesus, then this blog is probably not for you. If you don’t believe in the gifts of the spirit, you’re not going to like this either. If encounters with the Lord and His revelation scare you, you may want to go somewhere more…surface. Or you could stay and discover something more amazingly wonderful than you ever knew existed…because that’s who He is.

Seems fitting to be starting this right at the end of the year. He restores our souls and puts a new song in our hearts

…are you ready?

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust , who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.” – Psalm 40:1-4

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